Monday, May 16, 2011

My Very Tall Life

Most that read this blog know me personally. They know I'm a freakish 6 feet tall, and I come from an even more freakish 6'1" mom and 6'4" dad. My big bro is an average 6'2", and my lil bro rounds out the bunch at a petite 6'6". Which makes me, at 6 feet, the shortest.

There are so many instances in my life that remind me of the humor of being a 6 footer. I thought I'd share a 6 footers everyday hang-ups, and maybe it will give those shorties out there a reason to stop complaining about being short.

1. Maternity clothes are a nightmare. TALL jeans are mostly mail order. Maternity shirts are often WAY too short. Length is a constant issue. (not that I'm pregnant btw) This applies to regular jeans and shirts too, but you have better luck finding tall jeans than finding tall Maternity jeans. I didn't even mention dresses - specifically wedding dresses! You might like a dress, but it has to have enough fabric in the hem to make it long enough!

2. Along with height comes big feet. Size 10s are eeeeeaasssy to find. Size 11's, well good luck! My husband just found 4 pairs of size 11's, all running shoes. Sandals are impossible. Flip flops are a like a needle in the haystack. Did I mention slippers? Yup, I've sported slippers from the men's section for YEARS. I admire the woman that wears anything bigger. Most manufacturers make a up to a size 10, after that, I'd say about 25% make a size 11, and the percentage shrinks tremendously for 12+ (I know a gal with size 13).

3. Crossing your legs under a table, in a church pew, at a movie theater, a game in which way your legs will fit. If I wear heals, there is no CHANCE my legs will fit under a table. If I wish to cross them, I have to eat away from the table at a sideways angle. Come on tall know this to be true!

4.  Why do short people always hang stuff so that we knock our heads? Like the decorations at the grocery store that drape across the check out lines. Or how about signs that hang from ceilings at department stores. And we might not knock our heads on it, but public restroom mirrors always cut off my head. It definitely makes me want to knock my head on something!

5. Most men like short women. It's a fact, and it can't be denied. I've dated my fair share of taller or same height men. Men are intimidated by a tall woman, especially when you hug them. Ever had a man ask you to stand on the street while he stood on a curb so he could hug you? Yup, I'm laughing. My husband is the 1st short guy I ever dated - he's a TINY 5'10" (on a good day!).

6. "WOW, you're tall!" really gets old. Just like having to remind people the difference between the words "tall" and "big." "You're so big!" never comes off sounding flattering.

7. 5'9" is not tall, whether you are a man or woman. You might be on the taller side of average, but you are definetly NOT TALL.

8. Hospital beds are made for short people. Ask my tall labor & delivery nurse. You try being sore and sweaty and tired and having your feet crunched at the foot board. There's a reason I always opted for leaving after 24 hrs. At least my feet can hang off my bed.

9. You are expected to stand in the back. I've been politely asked to move so others could see, MANY times, including being at the zoo, standing in the front of a crowd so my 2 y/o could see cheetahs. She's tall, but not 6 feet yet. Why should she have stand in the back too?

10. "I'd love to be tall," is another one of those moments that we wish you would just not advertise. When you go shopping at the mall, realize you had to go to 4 stores before you could find 2 pairs of tall jeans, none of which was in your size or color, you found absolutely no size 11 shoes after asking countless sales associates that didn't even bother checking in back, can't cross your legs under the table at the food court, tried to fix your hair in the bathroom only to realize the mirror was at boob level, saw a very handsome 6'4" man wasting his time with a 5'1" woman, and then had some midget (not literally) stand next to you and say, "wow, you're tall! I always wanted to be tall." Do you see the back of my hand? It would look great across your face. LOL! SOOOO just kidding, but you get my point, right? Frustration at it's finest.

I understand being tall is a thing of beauty (that's what everyone quotes to me at least). But it does come with a lot of SHORT comings. hahahaha. I'm lucky that I had a tall mom who was very defensive and proud about her height. I'm not sure how tall Georgia will be. At 2 1/2, she's above the 100% mark - quite literally, she doesn't chart. Even now, I can see how she's treated differently. Adults assume she's almost 4, until they talk to her. Kids at the park try to play "big kid" games with her, and she doesn't understand what they are talking about. Knowing the hang ups and insecurities my daughter will go through later in life, makes my job as a mom a little more challenging. There's going to have to be a little extra emphasis on CONFIDENCE in our household.

We have stores dedicated to other heights and body types: men's big & tall, woman's plus size, and petites. Why there can't be a woman's tall section still baffles me. I can't change my height, exercising and eating right isn't going to make me any shorter.

So next time you shorties see a tall person, don't try to relate to us with your shortness, and please don't wish you were tall. And just to be crude, but comical (I hope someone laughs) - men, listen: tall women are easier to reach in bed - IF you know what I mean. wink! wink!


  1. Oh, how I LOVE this!!! I'm a short 5'11 and I LOVE to wear heals (not super high or stilettos, just 1.5 or 2 inches). I like the way they make my legs look, just like every other woman. But other women don't get scowls when they walk down the hall like a tall woman in heels. Also, it is SO hard to find cute dress shoes that are lower than 2 inches! Everything else you said...I can totally relate to! Thanks!

  2. I'm 5'6" (and I was the short kid in class, my school was referred to around town as 'the dutch school' for good reason) and my husband is 6'5". (sorry. ;) jk) Actually, all his brothers are around the same mark, and I'm taller than all my sister-in-laws (and the girlfriends). My daughter will be 4 in July but she's been as tall as she is since she was just over 3... and she gets mistaken for a five year old ALL THE TIME. The 7 year old neighbour boy always comes over asking her to play. HECK NO. I mean, Nicole needs to clean her room now. ;) (seriously, if he plays down to her level he could hurt her, and she can't play up to his level. His parents know she's only three, wth.)

  3. Dang it Laura! You took from the small tall pot o' men that we must pluck from. I always tell my husband (tho this doesn't apply to your hubs), that if a dude is butt ugly, his height will make up for it lol. (kinda like big boobs on a chick I imagine!) Trophy Wife I SO know what you mean about heals! I LUV EM! And YES, we get stared at hard core as if we were the jolly green giant (green coloring and all) skipping down the street butt naked and holding hands with the chiquita banana lady. Freak show, right?